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Alex

[ website | Photography ]
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Is that a train? [27 Dec 2010|03:45am]

I think I'm ready to be happy again. I'm really the only person I can talk to about myself. It's not that I have a hard time trusting people, if anything I trust people with my words too much. Lately though, when I take time to think about who I would like to confide in, and get sound logical, non-extremist advice; I can't think of anyone.
I've created this idea of myself, since Tina, of a miserable self-centered, egomaniacal jerk. Everywhere I go, maybe except youth group, there's an idea of me which I A) don't like and B) isn't me. Maybe, now that I think of it, not even at youth group am I really myself.
Fact is, I know where I am, I know who I am, and I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. I know what's best for me, what I need, and I'm not really doing it.
I want to start going to church every Sunday again. I want to read the bible more. Back when I was regularly in scripture I was swearing less, happy more, and overall doing well. Now, though, like I've said, I'm not happy.
I need to stop saying I'm empty, heartless, unemotional. I've been using that to protect myself from myself. If I allow myself to be vulnerable again I'll be back on track. I'm an open person.
Last night I really contemplated not going to Villa and going to school out of state. I felt really uncomfortable thinking that Jen and Joe might have a thing. I don't know why, I'm quite certain that I can trust both of them enough to not do that. It's just that, in situations like that, it's still a little hard for me to trust people. I've been interested with a change of scenery for a while. I thought I would get that at buff state, but it seems as if I left the same impression, being a sarcastic loudmouth. I want to be known as articulate, someone who only says what needs to be said. I just need to think before I speak. It's a maturity thing. I want to be known as mature. I feel as if the egotistical/sarcastic thing is a childish act.
It's hard to recreate a reputation. If I move, it's like a second chance. Maybe my interpretation of myself is wrong. We are our own harshest critics.
So as cliche as it is, 2011 is a new start I guess. Human nature to use the new year as a starting point to do something different. I'm going to make it a point to get to church, be in scripture, and work on some other things. It's the faith that needs an overhaul. That's who I am when I get down to it. That's where it starts.

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[27 Feb 2010|10:49pm]
If I weren't trying to become an accomplished wedding photographer, I'd delete 2/3's of the people I know off of facebook. But, I need to know who's gettin married.
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LJ now has ads, super shitty [25 Dec 2009|12:51am]
http://alexpenvose.typepad.com/blog/

that's where i'll be at.
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You Idiot [22 Dec 2009|01:30am]

I'm hinging my ability to be happy on having a girlfriend, when in reality there are already things around me that I can embrace that I'm neglecting.

and I keep posting this stuff on the interwebs like the 16 year old version of myself.

Fact is, if I don't write it (type it?) then I'll forget it.
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Just finished all 8 seasons of Scrubs. My favorite TV show ever (I do believe they no other show will come along that I'll like as much. I mean really, in the days of the torrent, something must be said about me actually buying a DVD) and I really think that I've emersed myself so much in the story, probably due to my inability to be content with my normal day to day, that I haven't been myself at all these last few months. See, I watch alot of TV, I don't really know what else to do and the Thursday lineup is really good on NBC. So I ask/tell myself "if I can only be like that character, then I'll heed their rewards". Dammit it's a TV show, there's a script, there's no script here in the real world. So I guess being done with Scrubs is the best thing for me, now without watching it night in and night out I won't have a character to attach myself to and I'll just be me; and not a psydo mix of Dr. Cox and J.D.

I set goals for myself in 2009 and I met a few of them, but right now with my future on track I think I just need to keep it simple. For 2010 I need to just be myself.

I hope I wrote so much that no one reads this.

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Away We Go [17 Dec 2009|07:56pm]
I feel like, I've lost all sense of what's "cool" now-a-days. Im just so, awkward out in public. I was at the mall today, and for one, every store sells the same damn thing as the last. But ya know, when I go to buy something, I don't even know how to interact with the girl selling me the sweater. On top of it all is my inability to be atractive to women, im done, it's over lol. But really I really think i've lost it.

I need to plan this out, Operation get Alex a girlfriend.

starting February 15th, 2009. Ya kno, to get all the messy holiday stuff out of the way.
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Best of my Year [15 Dec 2009|10:55pm]
Music - MGMT, Alexi Murdoch, Matt & Kim, Passion Pit, Cloud Cult (cloud cult might actually be late 08, but I really really got into them in 09)

Movies - Away we Go, The Hangover, Paranormal Activity, Zombieland, Inglorious Bastards

TV Shows - Community, 30 Rock (yea i just started watching this year, but i've caught up)

I traveled more in 2009 than I have my whole life. Between my weekend adventure with Zach that spanned Pittsburgh, DC and Richmond to New Jersey with Steve and NYC with Jen and Joe. I loved, basically, not being here.

I really came into my own as a photographer in early 09 but it tapered off towards the end until I was offered to do a wedding and since then my friend Gabriella and me are working on getting more weddings and maybe turning this into something awesome.

Of course I went back to school, that's a huge thing for me. I finally have a plan for my life, Art Teacher. I would really like to narrow that down to Photography teacher. Finish my BA @ Buff State, If Villa does make photo a 4year maybe I can go back there to finish that program. Then teach while I get my masters. I have a plan, and it feels great.

Nothing significant girl wise at all. It's actually helped me focus on me. Which i've needed.

At the beginning of the year I started doing Senior High ministry, it's been great. Now i just do Senior High and I wouldnt trade it for anything. I think this is my best year for being a leader. Im really making relationships with these kids and im finally achieving what ive wanted to since I started leading, and thats to give back what was so generously given to me.

Looking back I did achieve alot. Alot more than it feels.
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This is the scene where we burry the hamster [06 Dec 2009|08:33pm]
[ mood | Chill ]

This year was a good year for photography. Well, the first half at least. As soon as summer hit mid swing and school started I forgot I owned a camera.

I just bought a new lens and some fancy new filters. So hopefully, starting in 2010 ( or when school is over) I'll have the time and mind capacity to shoot more.
--------
Full year in review coming soon.
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This is the scene where we burry the hamster [06 Dec 2009|08:33pm]
[ mood | Chill ]

This year was a good year for photography. Well, the first half at least. As soon as summer hit mid swing and school started I forgot I owned a camera.

I just bought a new lens and some fancy new filters. So hopefully, starting in 2010 ( or when school is over) I'll have the time and mind capacity to shoot more.
--------
Full year in review coming soon.
--------

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The answer is [26 Nov 2009|01:01am]
You need to suck, really bad...

to get good.

The reason Buffalo sports are so frustrating is because we were never really really bad, at least not long enough.

We've always been, average.

When you're average, you don't get a good draft selection. Look at all the good teams.

NHL
Pittsburgh - Crosby, Malkin, Fleury all 1st or 2nd overall
Washington - Ovechkin, Backstrom, Semin, Green - all 1st round picks
Chicago - Toews, Kane, Seabrook

Detroit is a freak of nature in developing players they don't count

NFL
it's kind of different here, scouting is alot different, but let's still look at the last 3 Vince Lombardi trophy champions

Pittsburgh - Roethlisberger - 1st round, Holmes - 1st round, Farrior - 1st round
Giants - Manning - 1st round, (Then) Burress - 1st round
Colts - Manning - 1st round, Wayne - 1st round, Addai - 1st round

What do the Bills and Sabres have to offer in their 1st or 2nd round selections? Next to nothing. Sure Tyler Myers looks good now, that's great. But what has Stafford turned into? Where is Vanek this year? And for the Bills, who's Mike Williams now? Whitner...hardly a game changer.

If we want to GET good, we have to be bad, i mean really bad, like Toronto Maple Leaf or Detroit Lion bad.

Then we can hopefully have the right management to bring in the right players, and the coach's to develop the players.

Oh who am i kidding this will never happen. Sports are fixed anyway, are you really going to tell me that the Bills will loose to the Browns but almost beat the Patriots. RRRRRRRRRight
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I am Jack's Cold Sweat [17 Nov 2009|05:42pm]
[ mood | intrigued ]

If you watch fight club right after listening to an insane man's lecture about Syfilis, you might feel like you're starting to loose your mind.

And that's exactly what i've been looking to do.

Real artists dont have logic. That's why im going to be a teacher.

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ATT: Missing Person! [15 Nov 2009|07:54pm]
My older friend kat's brother Michael went missing sometime on Wednesday, somewhere on
his way to an inpatient rehabilitation clinic. Our family is extremely
worried about him, think he is likely still in the Buffalo Area. If
anyone sees or hears from Michael, please do not hesitate to call me or her other brother Anthony ...at
(716)553-9547. Mike is 22 years old, 5'8'', brown
hair/eyes and built stocky. There is a Missing Persons report filed on
Mike. PLEASE look at the picture and keeps your eyes open for him. Sorry to make such a serious post, but we are trying to locate
him and have very little options.


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[14 Nov 2009|08:37pm]

Ugh. I just cannot do top shelf liquor

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Pinball Mechanic [13 Nov 2009|09:26pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

If I didn't have a sense of humor I probably would have killed myself by now. Or gotten killed, probaby the 2nd one. That makes more sense.

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NYC in Pictures [11 Nov 2009|03:53pm]
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v426/lostallsympathy/NYC/?albumview=slideshow
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[10 Nov 2009|04:36pm]
New York almost feels like a dream.

It was great and it ended just like that.

Back home, driving again, in class, parents yelling at Evan.

I want New York back.
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It's 66 degrees out [09 Nov 2009|11:50am]

In central park. It's super nice out.

I almost bought ice cream

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Coming home today [09 Nov 2009|11:22am]

I've spent sooooo much money on food.

Oh

And I think I saw Natalie Portman last night.

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Nine [08 Nov 2009|11:24pm]

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[08 Nov 2009|09:29pm]

Real good dinner.

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I'm not coming home [08 Nov 2009|03:45pm]

Mccarren park. Awesome. There's a Hugh school right across the street. I could teach there. I love this neighborhood.

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